Journal Self

what is living, actually?

Logically speaking, living means that a creature is breathing. Breathe in, breathe out. Besides, moving around can also counted as living. Any moving creatures will be called a living thing. But these days, I realized that people’s definition of living starting to change. It is no longer as simple as breathing and moving around. It is way more than that, deeper than that.

Many people link the real definition of living to feel alive, and what I mean by feel alive is when you feel excited, happy, positive all the time. It is like the visualization of the real meaning of living. But, is it really? I often found myself staring blankly into the air, not knowing what to do or what to feel. I often felt like I have no feelings, no excitement, no worries (but of course I know it’s not true, any living creatures must have feelings, it is just a matter of they want to show it or not). Does it mean that I was not living my life?

I recently had a trip to Bali, an internationally-known beautiful island in Indonesia. It was my fourth (or maybe fifth) times went there, either for work or just leisure. Every time I went there, I was always intrigued by the people’s lifestyle. Something about it makes me wonder, is that what people should consider as the real meaning of living?

Balinese people, or maybe in general just the people living there, always seem so slow and relaxed in doing everything. At first, it annoyed me, a lot. I remember I was having an event there and I need to work together with them. Growing up in the big city and always fill my time with things, I couldn’t do things slowly. I need to work fast, no matter if it is urgent or not. But they were so different. They do things with smile, slowly, and seem like they try to enjoy the thing they were told to do. Gradually, the feeling changed. It was a very mixed feeling between annoyed and amused. How on earth can they do that?

From all of my trips to Bali, the last trip was the only one that made me reflect on lots of things. Though I had a lot of fun, from playing sports water, to riding ATV, to climbing Mt Batur, to had my first experience of night club (even though I often attended party :p), but that trip somehow made me think deeper than the surface, than enjoying it for fun purpose only. Maybe because it is the time shown by the Universe? Maybe because I enjoyed it the most? Maybe because I climbed a mountain up to the top for the first time in my life in there? Maybe because I started to understand the meaning of living from my point of view? Nevertheless, the memory of the last trip comes into my mind a lot. I started to wonder, what if living is not always about feeling happy and positive, but trying to enjoy the smallest things around us? What if living simply means being present and be aware of your current situation, and be grateful of it? What if living is not achieving things and make things look perfect, but making the progress slowly yet surely? Well, I don’t know.

I don’t know about the real definition of living, either by normal people or by some philosophers. I don’t know about the real meaning of living because I believe that everyone has different perspectives on it. I only know that, enjoying my time in the present time, made me feel alive, and I think feel alive is the greatest thing about living. What’s the point of living without any feelings, any excitement, any challenges? I feel the most alive when I succeed to overcome obstacles, challenges, and that’s where my proud feeling lays around. Not in the achievement of getting something, but in the ability to overcome something, in my own way, in my own time. That’s how I define living.

From that conclusion, I think I was living this world in a not-so-right way. I imagined how much time I wasted imagining things, thinking about things, that might not happen. I was so busy thinking about the future until I forget to enjoy my time in the present, looking for challenges and adventures to overcome, bury myself in stress and anxiety because I don’t know how to figure things out only to feel renew once I overcome it. I don’t want it to happen again. I want to feel alive in living my days even when I’m not in my holiday or traveling. I want to feel alive everyday, and the only possible way to do it, is to enjoy the smallest things I have currently, in the present, around me. That way, I believe I can feel alive more often and living this life in the more fun ways.

-Aini-

 

 

Photo by Aide Fraier on Unsplash

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