Being human

everything happens for a reason

the title sounds very cliche right? as much as it is, i have to admit that this sentence is true, and i am going to share the story behind my reason agreeing with this statement.

i was born as the only child in my family, so my family is a very small one. having a small family should already feel ‘lonely’ enough as we don’t have much people in the house. at that time when i was around three or four, my parents decided to go on separate path and letting me stay with my mom. i grew up in this situation while sometimes met my dad after we made an appointment for around fifteen years. it was when i was fifteen when everything crushed and the world felt like crumbled down.

i had spent my entire life living with my mom through thick and thins, through our different mindset and perspectives. however there was one point in my life where it was not well-handled anymore, in which it led me to living separately with her. i was thinking of going to live with my dad, but the circumstances at that time was not appropriate, hence i ended up living with my few aunties from my dad’s family, changing house and people every year and half.

for a teenage me, that situation was very challenging. it was a time where i needed support the most, but i didn’t have anyone close to me. not parents, not siblings, and not the aunties or cousins. our relationship was fine, and still fine until now, but we weren’t that close to the point where i could share everything to them. we were apart for so many years before i lived with them. it took me years to finally open myself to them and let them get in to my life.

at that time, i honestly thought my life were the saddest one on this planet. though i knew well that lots of people out there are more unfortunate than me, but i insisted on thinking that i was the most pitiful person. i kept thinking that i am alone in this world even though physically i have my parents and bigger families around me. looking back, i think i understand why i was thinking like that; it was because i was so depressed and lonely, i was at my lowest point in my life, and i filled my mind and soul with negative thoughts.

however, now eight years later since the first time i lived with my aunties and lived apart from my parents, after many many events spent together with people from my dad’s family, and even if i am still not that open to them (this is purely my problem, i hardly open up myself to people), i now realize that the statement of everything happens for a reason is true. hard truth, indeed.

if i were never lived with my aunties, i would not get close to my dad’s families. if i were never lived apart from my parents, i would never know my bigger families better. if i were never went through all those things in a few years back then, i would never be here, spending a lot of time with families, getting closer with them than ever, celebrating all kinds of things together.

if it didn’t happen, me living with my aunties from my dad’s families, i would not be able to understand what is family and the warmth of family. why? because i never saw it in my own little family. i never seen people fighting after some incidents and getting back together like nothing happened, because what i have seen was people fighting and never get back again. i never seen people sharing things without hoping anything back, because what i have seen was people helping the other only to expect something in return, especially when it’s the ‘helper’ turn who needs help.

i am not saying that i have totally healed from all the bad things that ever happened before in my life, and from all the negative thoughts i have thought before, but i clearly understand why the statement “everything happens for a reason” exists, because i have experienced it myself. without all those bad things, i would not stand here, stronger than ever, not only because i am getting stronger mentally, but also because i have more people in my life. yes these people are not directly related by blood -they are not my siblings nor parents, but they were there when i needed help the most, they were there when i didn’t have anyone, they have shown me what is family and how people in a family usually lives together (since i am the only child, i never know how to adapt myself with other people).

these thoughts suddenly occur to me when i was showering after a birthday event with my family from dad’s side. i just feel lucky to be a part in the event, and i am grateful that i have went through it all so i can experience the joy and the happiness now.

lastly, i just want to say… if you ever feel like giving up, feel like you have no one around you, why is your life so miserable and unfortunate, just know that a better day waits ahead. the sun will show itself after your rain now stop pouring down. one day, it will happens, and you will look back to this time and feel extremely grateful for what you have been through.

smile 🙂 this too shall pass.
everything happens for a reason, and you are going to be okay.

Photo by Md. Zahid Hasan Joy on Unsplash

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