Muddled in so many social media platform, I feel like nowadays people have sooooo many identity, and on top of that, it is scattered everywhere. Not sure about how others are doing, but as for me myself, I do have… Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Whatsapp, Line, LinkedIn, WeChat, TikTok, YouTube, Tumblr, Goodreads, Letterboxd. I even used to have Snapchat and Telegram. The list can go and on if I remember all social media or online platform I registered at that I have or used to have, however me not remembering all of it is already a prove that it is not effective nor efficient. I mean, all social media and platform requires an account, and every platform encourage me, if not us, to show different persona.

For me, it is too much. I’m overwhelmed.

I recently felt so fed up with how many social media I have to check everyday, or at least every once in a while. I don’t even have any desire to check someone else’s profile anymore. I just want to get to know a person in real way, real connection, real life. Everything on those social media feels so… fake, curated, shaped. I believe that why I could feel all of that is because I also do it to myself. Choosing only the good things to be published, how do I want to be seen or perceived, shaping my persona on every platform.

Lately, all of the online activity did not feel like they are done mindfully. Instead, all of those felt like they were done mindlessly, and I dislike that. I want to be more mindful, and I want people to discover me in my real shape, my real self. But then, the question arise…

Do I really know myself?

Have I discovered myself?

I think no one person can really know and totally discover themselves. There must be some blind spot, or bias perception about our own selves. However, coming back from all different kinds of social media to writing on a blog, I feel like I have rediscovered my self, slowly, one by one.

Writing in a blog, it kinda makes me be more mindful about what I present to the world. Not that I try to do the same thing as how it’s usually done on IG or other social media platform, curated and kinda fake, but I try to be as honest as possible with myself, pouring the feelings into words, and presenting it to the world. Me trying to be vulnerable here, after years of being afraid of showing the world what I really think of something, afraid that people might judge me, or afraid about what other people will think if I do it.

Now that I’m writing again here, I low-key want to make this blog everything about myself. I don’t even care if this sounds narcissistic. I just want to be real, and show some if not most of myself here. I’m trying to pull every persona about myself in every different social media to here, this blog, so when someone try to get to know me, or someone just being nosy and want to dig deeper, they can go to here and find everything I share. It won’t replace how great it is to connect in real world, which I also love more than just getting to know a person from online, but it is a great start.

Maybe, you’ll find a lot of differences over the time. Maybe, I’ll change the way I think, or my style, or I don’t know what along the way, however I can say this confidently without being too confident (HAHA) and still be humble that I can make mistake, that what I show here in this blog, is a way of me rediscovering myself.

Discovering myself may not always be pretty… there must be some things I don’t like, but I am progressing, and I am moving forward.