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new year.

it’s a new year, 2024 replace 2023. usually when people are stepping feet on new year, mostly people will go straight to new year resolution. did i do it as well? hmm, i had to admit that i am as well. however, aside from resolution, i also do another mainstream thing which is reflection.

i know, it’s been quite late to do a reflection for 2023. after all, 2024 has started for more than two weeks. but, i just came up with the idea a few minutes ago when i was showering. so, what excuse do i have other than writing it right away?

so… what’s the reflection of 2023?

my 2023 didn’t go very well like my 2022. i didn’t write the reflection of 2022 online, but still i could see the big picture of how my 2023 went compared to 2022. in 2023, i didn’t travel abroad as much as i did in 2022, but it doesn’t mean i didn’t travel abroad. just slightly less. in 2023, my health condition went downhill compared to 2022. even worse, i got diagnosed with something that was once a frightening thing for me (now, not anymore). in 2023, i didn’t do well financially. overall, i earn better than 2022, however reality didn’t allow me to save more yet. responsibilities and life as an adult got in the way. in 2023, my relationship with the woman who gave birth to me got slightly… adjusted. not that it was something big and sudden (we have experienced worse previously), but it was just unexpected. in 2023, my work was just flat. didn’t mean that in reality i was stagnant. in fact, i did more things than i thought and did in 2022, but the feelings and excitement was not like in 2022. it felt flat, bland.

huft. so far i only remember the bad things on 2023. or maybe they were not that bad, only were not as good as what i expected them to be.

does it mean my 2023 was bad? not really.

in 2023, i got to prove myself, to myself, that i am valuable, that people see my value, that i am worth the praise and acknowledgement. in 2023, though i didn’t achieve what i had plan in the starting year, but i still did excellent in life. i paid off some debts from my family-related person. i afford myself some comfortable and cozy place for me to rest, work, study, and get productive. i finished work tasks that once seem impossible for me to finish (it seem never-ending). in 2023, though i didn’t travel that much for business trip, but i still get to travel for leisure and fun, and all of the trip was done unexpectedly smooth and safe & sound. in 2023, though i got diagnosed with kind-of-life-threatening disease, i still was able to live ‘healthily’ until i step my feet on 2024. in 2023, though life seem like heavier and darker than in 2022, i was still able to met many new people, create new connection, and make new acquaintances/friends/close relationship with these people. in 2023, though i was almost give up on life and my personal people around me, i was still able to realized it sooner and done the necessaries to be more aware and take control of my life. i was glad that in 2023, through so many downs, i was able to grow my perspectives and knowledge regarding this life (pointing at myself) and what i’m thinking.

now, all these things, it got me thinking. actually, what is a good life, and what is a bad life?

though i remember more not so good things in 2023, i can’t lie and i have to admit that looking back, my 2023 was not that bad. it was okay, and still better, much much better than people on the street, or people somewhere which i don’t know where they are. though my life in 2023 not always sweet, however the fact that i’m here now in 2024 has proven that 2023 was okay, and i was okay as well.

so through this writing and this reflection, i just want to say that everything will pass, and maybe our life is not so bad. maybe, a bad life is just a time, a moment, where we couldn’t get what we want and we are trapped in our emotions. if we are detached from anything, where we let go of everything that is not mine, maybe our life is not so bad anymore.

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