I used to think that jealousy can only exist between friends, colleagues, acquaintances. However, I recently figured out that jealousy can even happen in a family, between siblings. Even worse, it can happen between parents and sons/daughters.Read more: Happy for you
Not sure how it is in different family, or to what extend that parents would feel comfortable sharing stories and feelings with their kids & vice versa, but in my family, it is quite normal to share almost everything exclude the “trivial” things between parents & me. Sometimes, I even think that we are being too close to the extend where they are not hesitant to tell me things that should not be told to their children. I also used to overshared things until recently I learned about boundaries, even if it is with my own parents.
On the process of sharing things and stories about my life, I realized that sometimes my parents would said things such as “That’s great! Wish I could feel it at your age,” or “Your life is very good, you could experience things that I/we never experienced before.”
Maybe, they did not mean to make it about themselves.
Maybe, they did not mean to be jealous and not be truly happy for me, for my life.
Maybe, they just said it without thinking.
But me being me, an overthinker, a highly sensitive person, feel that those sentences are just… a bit not the kind of reaction that I would expected. Maybe not just a bit, but totally.
If I am someone being told a happy story by my friends, maybe I could feel some jealousy or desire to experience the same thing as him/her, however I would not dare to say it out loud. First, I’m afraid to be seen as a jealous person. Second, I don’t want to ruin their happiness by comparing it to myself. If I could experience the same thing and happiness, it would be great! But if not, that’s also okay.
I believe that my parents did not mean anything when they said those sentences after I told them my stories or experiences (or even if they did, I don’t really care, cannot do much about it anyway; except the fact that it kinda sting my heart a little when they said that), but their sentences made me realize that… being a human, it is quite normal to feel jealous. Even my parents could feel it to me, their own and only kid. Others can especially do it as well. Yes it’s normal, but it’s not something good to do. Hence, it made me think that, to find someone that can be truly happy for us when we are happy, or even feel truly sad for us when we are sad, without the need to compare our feelings and make it seems like theirs are better/worse, is so precious.
When I said that how rare it is for others to truly feel the way I feel, I don’t mean that they have to go all the way to feel the feelings as long as I feel it, and I also don’t mean that they have to go down and help us with whatever we face. I don’t seek anything from them except them to listen to my stories, and empathize with me. That’s it.
That’s what is rare these days.
So, if you have found someone that can be truly happy for you, whether it is your parent, your sibling, your best friend, or your partner/lover, please treasure and appreciate them. Tell them how you love it so much when they do that. Truly listen to you, and be truly happy for you, without saying that they are jealous of you.
If you have not found them yet, hope you could find them soon.